Before I was a mom my house was spotless and meticulously decorated. I baked bread, I made gourmet desserts. I threw dinner and brunch and Christmas parties. I wore makeup, I accessorized; darn, who are we kidding, I got dressed every day. These things mattered to me. It’s amazing how quickly priorities change, whether by choice or by force.
Now, my house is clean but cluttered. There is always a toy to be tripped over or creatively placed clean diapers strewn across the floor (do all kids love throwing their clean diapers around?). I work hard to get a healthy dinner on the table and trust me, it’s not gourmet. If company comes over I repeatedly apologize for my house being messy and the thought of having more then 2 people over at once, throws me into a panic. Some days yoga pants and the t shirt I wore yesterday is the best I can do.
Up until recently, I’ve struggled with this shift. I’ve always managed my time well and completed tasks quickly. I assumed I would be one of those moms who was immaculately dressed with makeup and baby in a homemade bow tie. That I would still have time to throw parties and make desserts and make cute craft projects in my spare time. But I’m not. X has always been a high needs kid. For the first 3 months he would only sleep if he was on top of me. After that he would only sleep if I was next to him. Baby cuddles and iphone games became a way of life for me.
Now, he untidies our home more quickly then I tidy it. He likes to have me sit near him or engage with him while he plays. My priorities now center around creating stimulating, skill building, Montessori based activities for him. Making sure he’s getting the very best food I can serve him. Simple, comfortable clothes are his wardrobe; they allow him to play and if they get muddy or covered in finger paint, I don’t care. In fact, the same goes for me. Simple and comfortable is my wardrobe as well because I’m chasing him around the playground and yogurt or almond butter invariably gets wiped on me at some point through out the day. Engaging him and his interests, spending quality time together and showing him the world are now my priorities. And to accomplish those, I need to let go of my previous priorities, and that’s ok. He’s a happy, well fed, smart, energetic, loving, curious, outgoing, beautiful child. And that is the best thing I could ever hope to accomplish.
But I need to remember myself, too. Doing things I love and relaxing are important too. I can’t completely loose myself and expect to be the best mom, wife and woman I can be. I forget this often. It’s ok to drink a cup of coffee and read a good book while X is napping. The dishes will still be there later, I can take a few moments to draw or sew or create in the few hours a day I have to myself. It’s ok to take a nap during the day when we’ve had back to back to back nights where X wakes every 15 minutes. WE are more important then a spotless home or fresh baked bread.
And sometimes, a game of peek-a-boo under a blanket, is the most important thing in the world I could be doing.